The obituary: the final farewell (2024)

The obituary: the final farewell (1)

Provided photoLakeview Cemtery, Calumet

The National Center for Health Statistics, a division of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, revealed in 2022 nearly 3.3 million people passed away. The leading causes were heart disease, cancer, COVID, and unintentional injury.

A significant majority of these individuals will offer their final farewell through an obituary.

According to the My Obits web site, “For many families, writing and publishing the obituary of a loved one is an important part of the grieving process. In the United States, the obituary is a standard part of making funeral arrangements. However, this wasn’t always the case and today the practices around obituaries are changing as we live more of our lives online.”

Brief History of

American Obituaries

My Obits states brief American death notices have been printed as early as the 1600s. These notices were mostly one or two sentences which only shared the bare facts about a death. The practice of writing more detailed obituaries didn’t take root in the United States until the 1800s, when the practice was imported from British newspapers.

Obituaries became a way to honor loved ones and communicate service and funeral arrangements.

The early death notices were simply news items. Obituaries were originally printed in newspapers because that was the only form of mainstream media.

My Obits added “Obituaries used to be part of what united communities. Before the middle of the 20thcentury, most people died within 20 miles of the place they were born. This meant that families lived closer together and many of the people in a given community knew each other’s families going back generations. Newspaper obituaries allowed for shared grief.”

Newspapers continue to be the primary source to post obituaries. However, over the past 25 years print and web-based death notices have been added to funeral home, newspaper, radio station, and specialized sites such as Legacy and Dignity Memorial.

High Profile Obituaries

Across the globe and in the United States, major print, electronic, and social media news organizations have dedicated staff who prepare, in advance, obituaries for notable people.

For example, “in the can” and constantly updated were the obituaries for Queen Elizabeth, O.J. Simpson, former President George H. W. Bush, Pope Benedict XVI, and most recently rock star Doug Ingle of Iron Butterfly, and NBA star, Bill Walton.

Hillel Italie of Associated Press oversees entertainment obituaries, an inventory of up to 400 prepared profiles. He commented that when a high-profile individual faces health challenges or an unusual incident, obituaries are immediately reviewed and updated.

In a New York Times Magazine interview, Victoria Chang stated a journalist, in most instances, is charged with the task of writing an obituary of a person they never met or formally knew.

Then, there are the unusual passings which generate very interesting obituaries. For example, this past month numerous media accounts profiled Bette Nash who passed away at age 88. With a 67-year airline service career, she was recognized by Guinness Book of Records as the world’s longest serving flight attendant.

The Art of Writing

an Obituary vs.

Death Notice

For surviving family members or close friends this is a daunting task when a loved one passes. Funeral home staff, clergy members, and other experienced professionals stand prepared to help.

Douglas R. “Dutch” Nie, II is Board of Directors President for Wisconsin-based National Funeral Directors Association.

From his business web site, he comments, “It’s very easy to find examples of obituaries that are worthy of attention. There are interesting obituaries for everyday folks that inspire us; maybe even make us cry or laugh. Obituaries which, when we’re done reading them, we say to ourselves, I wish I’d had a chance to get to know that person.”

Nie added, “Will writing our own obituaries become a trend? Maybe. We know many more people are writing their own obituaries today as it’s often given as an assignment in certain college and university courses.”

There is a distinctive difference between a death notice and an obituary.

Nie states a death notice includes the following details:

• Their age upon death

• Birthday

• Birthplace

• A list of the surviving relatives

• The date of death

• The location (city/state) where they died

• Details about the funeral service: date, time, place

• Full name

• Date of death

• Where the person lived

However, obituaries tend to be more personal and detailed.

Nie commented, “How you document your loved one’s life story is up to you. With that said, we recommend that in addition to the facts of a death notice the enhanced death notice, known as an obituary, could also include these details:

• Parents’ names

• Information about the spouse and children

• Church affiliations

• Job or career information

• Personal and professional accomplishments

• Personal character and interests

• Influence on his or her community

Nie concluded, “It’s now time to push the facts aside. Sit back and think about the anecdotes and memories you could share to shed some light on your loved one’s character and personal interests. Bring factual details into play whenever you can to help the reader clearly see who your loved one was, how they lived, what they did, who and what they loved. The richer in detail, the more memorable the obituary becomes.”

The Funeral Service Foundation (www.funeralservicefoundation.org) offers a wealth of information in dealing with death, funeral preparations, grieving, and related aspects.

In addition, for veterans, the funeral home staff or the county Veterans Affairs office can offer detailed entitled benefit information.

Jeffrey D. Brasie is a retired health care CEO. He frequently writes historic feature stories and op-eds for various Michigan newspapers. As a Vietnam-era veteran, he served in the U.S. Navy and U.S. Naval Reserve. He served on the public affairs staff of the secretary of the Navy. He grew up near the tip of the mitt and resides in suburban Detroit.

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The obituary: the final farewell (2024)

FAQs

What is the final farewell of a funeral? ›

In conclusion, the final farewell is a deeply personal and emotional event. It demands a level of dignity and respect that acknowledges the profound loss and celebrates the life lived. It's about creating a space of healing for those left behind, respecting their pain, their memories, and their love for the deceased.

What are the final words on an obituary? ›

Concluding Message

In the conclusion of the obituary, special requests may be made such as, “in lieu of flowers, donations may be made to…” or “Our heartfelt thanks to the staff at General Hospital for…” Some families make the final line a dedication honoring their loved one.

Do you say how someone died in an obituary? ›

Announce the death

Begin the obituary with a statement that highlights basic facts about your loved one, including their full name (first, middle, and last names, maiden name, nickname, and suffixes like Jr. or Sr.), where they lived, age, date and place of death, and how they died.

What should you not include in an obituary? ›

In most cases, obituaries do not include the names or nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, or in-laws unless they were close to the deceased. Grandchildren are sometimes listed but often numbered instead (…he leaves behind 5 grandchildren).

What is a final goodbye called? ›

farewell (noun as in a departure statement) Strongest matches. goodbye send-off sendoff. Strong matches. adieus adieux leave-taking parting valediction.

What is the final goodbye before cremation? ›

Cremation without a funeral

The closest loved ones of the deceased can gather privately for an intimate goodbye and support one another through grief. Arranging to see the deceased before cremation helps with processing the loss and beginning the healing process.

How should an obituary end? ›

The obituary should end by naming your loved one's surviving family members, then giving information about the funeral or memorial service, if the family is making those details public, as well as information about any memorial funds or charitable organizations that people should send donations to.

What is the most common last words before death? ›

Ms McFadden is often around death due to her job and revealed that the most common thing people say right before they die is 'I love you,' and that they often call out to their mom or dad, who have usually already passed away.

What is the best opening line for an obituary? ›

“It is with great sadness that the family of (deceased name) announce (his/her) passing….” “(Deceased name) will be sadly missed by ….” “Fondly remembered by….” “Forever remembered by….”

How do you write a heartfelt obituary? ›

Announce the death and include their full name, age, hometown, and date of death. Include a brief summary of their life. Mention family members who have already passed away, as well as surviving family members. Share funeral or memorial service details, including whether they are public or private events.

What is a good short obituary example? ›

[Full Name], aged [age of the deceased], passed away peacefully on [date of death], at [location of death]. He/she was born on [date of birth], in [birthplace], to [names of parents]. He/she was a proud resident of [city of residence] and was a 1975 graduate of Holy Cross High School.

What is the best word to use when someone dies? ›

"I'm sorry for your loss. I'm here for you." "My condolences on your loved one's passing. May their memory bring you comfort.

How many words is a good obituary? ›

Most obituaries are around 200 words long, which means using as few words as possible to avoid going over the word count. It's a good idea to make a plan before you write to ensure you stick to the most important points about the person who died.

What is the proper way to list family members in an obituary? ›

You may choose to list grandchildren and great grandchildren individually by name, or simply include the number of each. Typically siblings and their spouses names are also included. Survivors are generally listed first, followed by any preceded in death names you would like to include.

What is the final part of a funeral called? ›

For burials, the committal is held at the gravesite and signifies the moment in which it is time to say goodbye to your loved one, as they are lowered into their final resting place.

What do you say at the end of a funeral? ›

In closing, let us remember [Name] not only for the life they lived but for the love they shared and the impact they had on our lives. May their memory be a source of comfort, inspiration, and strength as we navigate the journey ahead.

What is the final stage of the funeral? ›

Once the funeral service has ended, there is a vehicle procession to either a cemetery or crematory depending on the type of disposition chosen. In the most traditional sense, burial is chosen to go along with a traditional funeral ceremony.

What is the final commendation at a funeral? ›

“The final commendation is a final farewell by the members of the community, an act of respect for one of their members, whom they entrust to the tender and merciful embrace of God; an affirmation that the community, the deceased, baptized into one Body, share the same destiny, resurrection on the last day,” (Order of ...

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